It gets better 🩵

I think I have been grieving my entire life. Though painful, it is part of my soul's journey, to ride the waves and stay above water, to feel all of the feelings and tell every story my lineage has been drowning in for so long.

It's excruciating. But I know it gets better, and my future self told me so. She sent this song to me.

This is a rough version but I feel compelled to share it as it is :)

It gets better, my friends. Just keep going. Grief is heavy, but you would not be chosen to carry it if the universe didn't think your shoulders were broad enough.

A little about me:

Writing has been a gift in my life, a way to process, feel and move energy through and out of my body. I've been writing since I was in 5th grade when I wrote my first poem. I remember a teacher finding it and being blown away while I sat quietly, not quite understanding this response or why she wanted me to type it up and frame it. I wrote it about my mom after she left and when she read it weeks later, she sobbed. I don't remember much of that time, but I know writing helped me to express things that I didn't know how to say out loud, before I realized I had anything to say at all. It helped me to figure out what I was feeling. While I couldn't emote outwardly, and sometimes it was unsafe to, somehow the feelings I shoved away came out effortlessly onto paper and I could represent with words what was happening internally. I have written for that reason ever since.

When people ask me what kind of music I make, I don't know which genre to claim so I just say, "I write 'in your feelings' music". And it's true; 99% of my music is sad, emotional and heavy. It's the contents of my heart and nervous system in a collection of words that speak truth. I usually write freeform, without the traditional structure of a standard song, because I write it as it comes. I write it when it hits me directly in the spaces in my body I store these emotions. I get quiet, touch the piano and start singing--the rest really isn't up to me. It's as if my voice is a warm welcome to whatever is tying knots to keep itself from being exposed--to let go, be heard, be honored and given the mic. My voice opens gates that words flow through like deep breaths. I see myself when I sing. I'm most myself when I sing.

I see myself when I write creatively, tell stories and scribble down poems. I read them back and wipe tears and let out enormous sighs because how beautiful is it to have just the right thing to say? Of course, everything we need is already inside us and I thank God for the tools I have been given to heal myself. I am eternally grateful.

And it is my honor to share some of these words with you, on the record, in hopes they will help you heal, too.